Hide your Beagles, Vick's an Eagle

How could Philadelphia, or any team think that they could become a better team by signing Micheal Vick?












I guess this has forced me back into blogging. I will try to keep everyone updated, especially as to my just completed vacation.

Say It Ain't So, Jerry

In 2006, when Jerry Jones brought wide receiver Terrell Owens to Dallas, no one was happier than me. I once again had reason to root against the Cowboys, an often entertaining pastime. And T.O., with his narcissistic whining, made rooting against “America’s Team” ever so worthwhile. Last year’s signing of the thuggish Pacman Jones was like adding whipped cream and cherries to an already mouthwatering sundae. Last season’s implosion — with Pacman’s suspension and Owens’ verbal undermining of certain Cowboys teammates — was especially delicious. But early in this off-season, Jerry Jones cut Pacman. And now he’s released Owens.I feel bereft. Who am I to root against now? Tony Romo — who stops and changes tires for strangers? I think not. And if the Cowboys owner is wising up about the importance of character and chemistry and essentially admitting his mistakes, what joy can I even get rooting against him?
Life is so unfair.

Jimmie Johnson's Car Put Out To Stud

CHARLOTTE, NC—Hendrick Motorsports confirmed what many NASCAR fans had suspected all season, announcing Wednesday that Jimmie Johnson's number 48 Chevrolet Impala would be put out to stud, ending its career in stock-car racing and living out the rest of its service life siring the cars of tomorrow.

"I'll be sad to see the old warhorse go," Jimmie Johnson said at the car's retirement ceremony, held in the maintenance and breeding garage on Hendrick's 60-acre racing complex. "We've been through a lot together, but I guess it was just time. I have to say, I'm a little envious."

The number 48 car, which traces its own championship lineage back to Cale Yarborough's 1983 number 28 Hardee's Monte Carlo and Dale Earnhardt's 1981 number 3 Wrangler Pontiac, recorded 7 wins, 6 poles, and 15 top-five finishes in 2008 and is expected to command a stud fee approaching a quarter of a million dollars.

Number 48 has already spent several afternoons in the Hendrick pasture, nuzzling the flanks of smaller cars from NASCAR's "minor-league" Nationwide and ARCA series whose owners hope to capitalize on the Hendrick car's bloodline.

"It's really over pretty quickly," said autofertility technician Ray J. Wertham, whose job is to use a complicated array of hydraulic lifts and hoists to facilitate Number 48's progress if things do not progress naturally in the pasture or on the test track. "There's a lot of stuff to adjust if a car's running too loose or too tight, and fuel mixture, oil pressure, and engine temperature are all crucial. But on a day when everything's going well, there's 30 seconds of full-throttle engine revving, maybe a little backfiring, and then they're both idling happily again."

NASCAR rules specifically prohibit artificial fertilization of race cars, which happily spares number 48 the indignity of spending too much time up on jack stands methodically and impersonally having his fluids drained. The Chevrolet will also be forbidden from mating its power train with any non–General Motors product, as the historically conservative NASCAR organization has no wish to acknowledge the possibility of hybrids running in its racing series.

"Number 48 seems like a natural, though," said Wertham, adding that his specific output at the crankshaft may even rival that of Dale Earnhardt's #3 Monte Carlo, a car known for rear-ending anything that moves. "Sure, he tried to get up on the back of one of our Craftsman trucks, but that might just be dominance behavior. Except for the cars we turn out to run the road courses at Infineon or Watkins Glen, we don't usually have cars that go both ways."

"Putting a car out to stud is a great situation for everyone involved," team owner Rick Hendrick said while trainers gave the number 48 car a wax rubdown and topped off its fuel tank, already prepping it for mounting an impressive and growing list of customer cars. "Chopping old cars up for scrap like so much dog food, cannibalizing them for parts, selling them to wealthy hobbyists who mistreat them—all of that seems inhumane."

Added Hendrick: "Letting him drive over these fields during good weather, enjoying the best in GMAC car care, gulping down premium fuel, and mounting car after car until his odometer rolls over...That's a life any race fan would love.”

Now This is a Tough Call

So.

A judge in Houston is deciding whether to throw out Roger Clemens’ defamation suit against Brian McNamee.If the judge does toss it out, McNamee, whom I believe is telling the truth about his former boss’ use of illegal, performance-enhancing drugs, is spared further legal expense — which he certainly can’t afford — and justice prevails.On the other hand, if the case goes forward, we move to the discovery phase, which almost certainly means more embarrassing revelations about Clemens, including his alleged fling with a teenage Country-Western singer.

So.What should we root for here? Justice or dirt? Justice or dirt? Justice or …?

Smooth Move, Travis

OK. So you’re running back Travis Henry.

Last year, released by the Tennessee Titans, you were signed by the Denver Broncos, who stick with you despite a positive test for marijuana.

Claiming to be a victim of secondhand smoke, you appeal your NFL suspension and actually win it (though you remain in the league substance-abuse program) and are allowed to play.

In February this year you tell Bronco fans, "I want to be a Bronco and make it all right. I don't want to be anywhere else. I owe those people something for all that happened last year. I want to clear my name there.”

Then you do something to anger coach Mike Shanahan enough that he flat-out cuts you in June, saying, "We did not feel his commitment to the Broncos was enough to warrant a spot on this football team. He’s just too inconsistent as a person.”

Inconsistent? Au contraire.

For in July it’s revealed you again tested positive for pot, which means a year’s suspension. Now on the last day of September you’re arrested by the feds for your alleged role in a cocaine deal?

Smooth move, Travis.

Actually, it has one advantage. Henry reportedly has fathered nine kids by nine different women, and therefore has serious child-support payment problems. I mean, you don’t have to pay child support if you’re in prison, do you? And even if you do, if you can’t pay it, where are they doing to do? Put you in prison?

How to Screw Up Your Legacy -- The Brett Favre Way

First, play the diva for several off-seasons and hold your team — and their fans — hostage to your whims.

Second, after you’ve finally retired, tell bald-faced lies when the itch to play again proves too much for you.

Third, give no verbal support at all to the young man tapped to replace you, even though for three years he’s been nothing but a loyal to you.

Fourth, after you’re traded elsewhere, try to hurt your old team — and their fans — by calling up one of your old team’s opponents and spilling club secrets.

The first three items are documented facts; the fourth is alleged in a report by FoxSports.Com’s Jay Glazer, who says the former Green Bay quarterback, now with the Jets, called the Detroit staff to dish all he knew about the Packers offense before that team played the Lions.

A Lions executive denied the report but Lions coaches would only issue “no comment,” which is suspicious, at least. Favre denied it, but a few months back he also denied he was looking for a team to make a comeback with when, in fact, he was.

After being traded to the Jets, Favre admitted a desire to hurt the Packers, and this certainly would fit with that mind-set.

In any case, this is more reason to think that if Favre is expecting a statue outside Lambeau Field one day, he might have to wait a bit longer than he thought.

The Sadness of Youth Sports

Last Saturday I went to a friend’s house and found a parking nightmare because of a pee-wee football game going on at a middle school a half a block away. Finally finding a parking place on the street adjacent to the field I paused to watch the game in progress. I was appalled at what I saw. Here are tiny 6 and 7 year old football players in full uniforms with their individual names printed on the back of their jerseys! Standing, screaming on the side lines were parents with grown up versions of the same jerseys with their son’s name and number on their jersey also. Both coaches were actually screaming instructions to their tiny minions. Now if that wasn’t appalling enough, there were also a bevy of little girl cheerleaders complete with uniforms and pom-poms trying to remember cheers far beyond their years! What in the hell has happened to being a kid? When I was playing youth sports 45 or so years ago, a kid would have died of embarrassment if their parents would have shown up for a game. When my children were playing youth sports, and yes I did coach them on occasion, the parents who were able to attend sat pleasantly beside the field and cheered on both teams.
What do these children have to look forward to when at age 6 they have uniforms with their name on their back? The local high schools do not have the players name on the uniform and for that matter, neither does the local university, (along with Notre Dame and Penn State, to name a few). Only in the realm of some major college and professional sports do you see the players name on the jerseys. I can remember playing sports at all levels including college and on the day we received our uniforms it was a glorious day indeed. No name was necessary, just the uniform instilled pride enough. Walking to my friend’s house I saw cars and SUV’s painted with their son’s number and name in the window. It made me sad. What do these young kids have to look forward to when their parents make them little adults and attempt to live out their youth failings vicariously through the lives of their children?