Census: Whites in Minority by 2042

According to the latest U.S. Census data, in little more than a generation minorities will become the majority, thus enabling White Americans to ‘get on the receiving end’ of government cash, jobs and other benefits which they can’t get now because of their unfortunate racial status.
Good jobs without full qualification, contractor set-asides on government projects, easier access to college, and more personal attention from Democrat candidates are among the special favors that Whites can expect to receive starting in the year 2042, experts said.
However, being in the minority may also have its pitfalls. So, in preparation for the transition, White activists have already formed several organizations to promote fair treatment and to protect civil rights.
The National Association for the Advancement of Pale People (known as the N-Double-A P.P.) has already filed incorporation papers, as has a counterpart to the Rev. Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow Coalition, currently dubbed The Beige Coalition.
In Washington D.C., visionary lawmakers have begun to draft an agenda for the Congressional White Caucus which will represent the interests of their minority children and grandchildren, making sure, for example, that suburban public school districts get their fair share of federal education funding.
Meanwhile, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) said it will be ready to defend the rights of White people, to stem the outbreak of police citations for D.W.W. (driving while white), and to fight for things like guaranteed access to government documents written in English.
However, an ACLU source acknowledged that “re-tooling for the new era of fighting discrimination against Whites may have to await the retirement of everyone currently on staff.”

Breaking News

I could not have made this up if I would have tried. Police in Broomfield, CO (a suburb of Denver) arrested a woman on the charge of prostitution. Here are the words as I copied them from the Denver Post:

Mi Sook Yoo, 48, of Broomfield, was arrested for pimping, pandering and keeping a place of prostitution.

John Edwards Confirms 2nd Tabloid Report

Former Democrat presidential candidate and former leading vice-presidential candidate John Edwards, just days after confirming a National Enquirer story about an adulterous affair with amateur filmmaker Rielle Hunter, today acknowledged the truth of another supermarket tabloid report.

In an exclusive interview with ABC News, Mr. Edwards confessed that stories and photos in the Weekly World News were accurate, despite his previous denials.

“I have, in fact, met on more than one occasion with a large-headed alien from another planet,” said Mr. Edwards. “The pictures in the Weekly World News are real.”

Mr. Edwards, who had harbored hopes of being Barack Obama’s running mate, denied allegations that he has “fathered an alien love child,” but said the extraterrestrial emissary was “quite supportive of my White House bid.”

“I’m willing to undergo a paternity test if we can secure a DNA sample from the alien…if, indeed, they have DNA,” he added.

Although the former North Carolina senator took responsibility for his secret encounters, he also indicated that there was little he could do to prevent what happened.

“As anyone who has ever walked through a supermarket checkout knows,” he said, “This is all playing out just as Nostradamus predicted it would. I could no more resist fulfilling the prophesy than I could rebuff the advances of that woman, Ms. Hunter.”

Healed! Lord Barack Almighty, I'm Healed!

Loren Swelk, 73, who has been confined to a wheelchair for much of his adult life, came to hear presidential candidate Barack Obama speak at the University of Texas. Afterward he found himself in a wheelchair access breezeway as Obama and his entourage exited the arena. The candidate spotted him, came over, grabbed his hand and pulled him up. He found herself standing for the first time in eleven years. "He smiled at me and said, ‘Yes, you can,’" he says. "I was so stunned I didn’t know what to do." Swelk is among hundreds of people who say they have been healed by the Democratic candidate, in one of the most surprising and little-acknowledged aspects of his campaign. Reporters have shied away from the story, chalking it up to "Obama-mania" and people’s feelings of elation. "We don’t talk about it a lot, but yeah, it does happen," says one staffer who says he has seen multiple people healed on a rope line. "We don’t know exactly how or why it’s happening, and the Senator won’t talk about it. He usually insists that people keep it quiet and just report it to their pastor or priest." Greeting supporters after a rousing speech in Houston, Obama stepped into the dense crowd and spontaneously began touching people: a legally blind woman, a man deaf in one ear, a cancer sufferer and a lame man. "Yes, you can," Obama said as he laid hands on afflicted bodies. The people’s reactions were so joyous as to be almost frightening. They jumped and shouted and wept. Before they could thank or embrace the candidate he was well down the rope line healing others. Their excitement was lost in the general din of the crowd. Aides acknowledge that the phenomenon is occurring with greater frequency. "His power goes beyond simple inspiration," says one aide. "There is something developing here that I’m not sure any of us fully understands." They say Obama has told them privately that his time has not yet come, so it would be inappropriate to talk about the healings right now. He says he will wait until the convention to speak publicly about the "special calling" he believes he has to lead the country. They do expect him to start alluding to "the providential nature of what is happening on the campaign trail" in an upcoming address, mostly because word is getting around. People have begun bringing relatives by the score to campaign events in hopes of a healing touch. "It’s not the speeches that are drawing people anymore, as good as they are," says a senior staff member. "It’s people wanting to get better, and wanting their friends and relatives to get better. It’s the belief that there’s something more here." •

The Right Person for the Right Job

It is probably overlooked by most minimum wage employers, but maybe they should check the spelling abilities of their employees before assigning an important task such as changing the letters on the company sign.

Bill Clinton's Convention Speech Draft Leaked

Just hours after news broke that Democrat presidential hopeful Barack Obama had granted former President Bill Clinton a speaking role at the party’s convention in Denver this month, an alleged draft of Mr. Clinton’s speech has leaked to the news media.

Evidently a work-in-progress, the Clinton manuscript calls Sen. Obama “one of the most [adjective] candidates to arise in recent memory.”

“Barack Obama is certainly [mild superlative] qualified to serve as president,” Mr. Clinton will reportedly tell the Democrat faithful, “regardless of what Hillary and I said when she was running against him in the primaries. After all, he’s more than 35-years-old, and it’s pretty likely that he’s a U.S. citizen by birth. Constitutionally, that’s all you need.”

Mr. Clinton will note that he’s “personally looking forward to President Obama’s administration, for a term not to exceed four years. After all, 48 months is long enough to make your little statement about racial equality. Then we can get Hillary in there, while she still has enough estrogen to be considered the first woman president.”

‘The man from Hope, Arkansas’ will pay tribute to the candidate of ‘hope and change’ as someone who “knows how to say the things we want to hear in a way that makes us forget our selfish needs and focus on his.”

“While my wife may have deep knowledge about policy, and extensive experience working with leaders at the national and global level, Barack Obama is even more impressive because he’s found a way to secure his party’s nomination while avoiding the drudgery of actual work, and the toil of learning. Ain’t that the American dream?”

Breaking News

CHICAGO -- Former President Clinton will have a role at the Democratic convention in Denver later this month.
Democratic officials said Thursday that Clinton will give a speech on the third night of the convention, before an address by the as-yet-to-be-named running mate for Barack Obama, the party's likely presidential nominee. At President Clinton's request the event will be held at the Blue Fox, a downtown "Gentlemen's Club". Employees at the much raided nude dancing establishment have been asked to remove two poles and a jello wrestling tub for the event. The Obama officials who spoke on condition of anonymity asked that anyone interested in attending the event be prepared to pay a cover charge and two drink minimum and also to bring a supply of one dollar and five dollar bills for the event.
Exactly what role the former president would play at the gathering Aug. 25-28 has been the subject of speculation since his wife, New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, ended her bid for the Democratic presidential nomination in early June and tepidly endorsed Obama.