Graduates, Here's What You Should Be Hearing

Summer is almost here, which means - thankfully -
that commencement season is drawing to a close.
Universities everywhere have spent the past month locked in a reality-TV-style rumble over who can draw the best graduation speaker.
You want someone famous, but not too controversial. Controversial speakers give easily offended undergraduates yet another reason to protest. You want someone who won't ruffle feathers, but it's OK, at least according to Villanova University officials, if he has feathers - the college chose Big Bird (actor Caroll Spinney) to deliver its commencement address. Villanova students complained, as students do, but they chose the wrong battle. If there's anything to protest, it's the inane advice most speakers dispense. Reach for the stars! Follow your dreams! Couple these platitudes with the metal detectors that parents and graduates endure to accommodate top government wonks, and you understand why the
University of Albany stopped finding high-profile speakers in 2002
and the University of Massachusetts-Amherst quit the practice in 2003.
That's not to say that the mortar-board set doesn't need advice. On
June 5, 1969, the day I graduated from college, I loaded all of my
earthly possessions into my car to drive to the room I'd just rented in
Brookings, S.D. There, it dawned on me that I would
be reaching for the stars and following my dreams while sleeping on
an air mattress and living on take-home pay of $110 a month while in
graduate school. All I had to comfort me was the schadenfreude I felt
as many of my classmates who'd been hired by banking, consulting and retail
firms at the height of the boom were told, shortly after graduation,
not to show up.
Most of us survived graduate school and our first years in the Real World, however,
despite the bills and leaky ceilings.
Life does get better. But it would get better sooner if colleges
would drop the "Reach for the Stars!" nonsense and hand out fliers
with these Real World Adjustment Suggestions I wish I'd heard
instead:
• Dr. Seuss' Oh, the Places You'll Go! climbs the best-seller list
every year, but don't be fooled. Most people aren't going anywhere.
Your good grades won't launch you out of middle management or give
you big breaks in your artistic career. You can be a Rhodes Scholar
and still never land a job that impresses the munchkins who visit
the office for "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day."
• You'll lose every nice umbrella, but that ugly
orange-and-black-striped one will stay with you till you die.
• Switch jobs at least once in your first years out of school. The
bottom is a lousy place to start, but it's an even lousier place to
stay.
• Money doesn't buy you love; it buys you freedom. Save like crazy.
Six months of living expenses piled up means you can quit a job you
hate.
• Ask the phone and cable companies for the first appointment of the
day to avoid the nebulous "8 a.m.-2 p.m." window.
• Gourmet ramen noodle recipe: Add celery and spinach. Cook to
taste.
• You make your own luck. Really. Researcher Richard Wiseman, author
of The Luck Factor, followed hundreds of people for 10 years. Lucky
people, he discovered, added variety to their lives to increase the
chance of something wonderful happening. They also looked -
relentlessly - on the bright side. Wiseman posed a scenario: In a
bank, an armed robber fires and hits your arm. Unlucky people
bemoaned being in the bank. Lucky people said, "I could have been
shot in the head!"
• Thanks to the Internet, anyone can find anything you've ever
written. So think twice before penning that hilarious blog entry
about watching your neighbor wander around his kitchen naked, unless
you think potential employers, dates or your neighbor will find it
enlightening. The same hods true for MySpace and Facebook.
• Travel is the ultimate cheap luxury. A night in a hostel on the
beach in Ko Samui, Thailand, costs less than two cocktails in New
York. But travel now, when you're young enough to mistake food
poisoning for a bad hangover.
• Never go on a first date on Valentine's Day.
• If you share living quarters with one other person, it's
immediately obvious who left the dishes in the sink. If you live
with three people, on the other hand, you can let the dishes pile up
with impunity.
• No amount of résumé-polishing and font-obsessing will trump
finding competent, connected people who want you to succeed.
• You become a lot less fun once you have to wake up at 7 a.m. for
work every day. I'm not saying you'll never do body shots again; I'm
just saying you'll probably do them at 9 p.m.
• Life is not school. There is no equivalent of a degree-requirement
list to tell you how to become successful in most fields. You have
to plan where you want to be and plan the steps you'll take to get
there. Some people spend years in school acquiring graduate degrees
they neither want nor need because the freedom to choose life
outside the structure of academia is too scary. A masters' degree in
fine arts won't make you a painter. Painting will.
• If you leave a half-eaten chocolate bar on your dresser, it will
attract bugs and possibly mice.
• In the end, the Real World, just like college, is a series of
choices to be made with imperfect information. You think Big Bird
would be a good graduation speaker, so you hire him. Then a poll
comes out saying 68% of Villanova students would have preferred
someone else. So it goes. But here's a platitude worthy of a
commencement: Not taking risks is itself a risk - that you'll never
have the life you want.

Hillary Rejects Hillary

Responding to a chorus of outrage touched off by her comments about the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton made a bold attempt at damage control today by distancing herself from herself.

Many political observers had assumed Clinton would respond in some manner to the controversy she had created with her comments, but few expected her to throw herself under the bus. At a rally today in South Dakota, the New York senator said that the comments she made were "totally unacceptable," adding, "I hereby reject and denounce myself."

Attempting to reassure her dwindling base of support, she said that her comments "have no place in a political campaign, and the person who made them will have no role in my administration."

Clinton also offered an explanation for her comments about the late Sen. Kennedy, telling the crowd, "I am still suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of my service in the Bosnian army."

While early reaction to her latest comments was mixed, Clinton aide Terry McAuliffe called the speech "a home run." "She came out today and said she was disgusted and appalled by Hillary Clinton," McAuliffe said. "That puts her in the mainstream of American opinion."

Clinton's decision to throw herself under the bus also drew praise from her husband, former President Bill Clinton, who joined in rejecting and denouncing her.

"When I heard her comments about Bobby Kennedy, I thought, wow, somebody in her campaign said something idiotic and this time it wasn't me," he said.

Elsewhere, Frontier Airlines announced that it would charge customers $15 for the first lost bag.

Second Memoir in a Week Rocks White House

A new tell-all book by President George W. Bush’s most faithful companion and confidante during his White House years reveals a picture of the president potentially even more damaging than the one in former Press Secretary Scott McClellan’s new memoir, What Happened.
According to a pre-release copy of “Down Boy: Inside the Bush Culture of Deception and Arrogance” obtained by this blogger, the author paints a picture of a president so distracted by the war in Iraq that he “ignores the needs of even his best friend,” and a Bush administration staff that “employs deceit and trickery to get what they want.”
“Shortly after the invasion, I began suspecting that my public appearances were just part of the Bush administration’s stagecraft,” according to the president’s longtime friend, known only as Barney, who describes himself as a “Black Scottish-American.”
“I had unwittingly become part of the propaganda campaign, even as the presidency veered off course,” Barney wrote. “Although I looked perpetually happy in front of the cameras, or while walking with the president on the White House grounds, inside I was wracked with doubt.”
The author claims that top White House staffers would pretend to take him in their confidence and even express admiration for the way he conducted his business.
“Karl Rove, Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney — they would all pat my head and say ‘Good Boy, Barney. Heckuva job, Barney’,” he writes, “Then the next thing you know, I was in the dog house — shut off from the inner circle where they made their nefarious plans.”
“One time, Rove and Libby stepped into a room I was in to dodge Scott McClellan and to whisper about Valerie Plame,” he wrote, “They tried to buy my silence with special favors and incentives, which the Secret Service referred to in code as ‘biscuits’. At the time, I just hugged Scooter’s lower leg and feigned appreciation. But in my heart, I knew it was wrong.”
White House spokesman Dana Perino, asked to respond to the allegations in the two books, today said the president was “surprised and saddened, but he recognizes that he didn’t always see eye to eye with either author.”
“Once they leave the house,” Mr. Bush reportedly said, “you can’t control what they’re out there spreading around.”

Breaking News

California to issue same sex marriage licenses beginning June 17th. New York to honor California licenses.

Without revealing my personal opinion on this subject, leave it to say that this will spawn a whole new generation of children's books.

McClellan: Publisher Using Me Unwittingly to Sell Books

Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan, who claims in a new book that Bush administration officials used him to promote the president’s policies and to defend top officials, today said he suspects he’s being used unwittingly by his publisher to pass along information “just to sell books.”
“I’m afraid I’ve become the innocent accomplice to another propaganda effort,” said Mr. McClellan. “It turns out that my publisher is engaged in a highly-choreographed campaign to move books through distribution points in cities throughout the country, as well as through internet portals.”
The author of What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception, said that during visits to his publisher’s headquarters he has seen editors and marketing people stepping into offices for “mysterious private conversations as if they were plotting something.”
“I’m concerned,” said Mr. McClellan, “that, like Bush, I may have engaged in self-deception and convinced myself to believe what suits my needs at the moment — mostly my need to convert my undistinguished White House tenure into an endless stream of cash.”
Mr. McClellan said he plans to “ask a lot of questions and get to the bottom of this, as soon as the checks all clear.”

The WWW before there was an Internet

Iran Making 'Wireless Atomic Energy' Not Nuke Missiles

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, in response to an International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) report accusing his government of withholding information about its nuclear program, today suggested that Iran may be pioneering development of “wireless atomic energy” that could “ultimately end dependence on oil” in some countries.
The IAEA report alleges that Iran has refused to explain its work on explosives, uranium enrichment and missile warhead design, however, Mr. Ahmadinejad continues to assert his nation’s right to develop nuclear power for peaceful purposes.
“The American puppets see our warheads, explosives and enriched uranium and they immediately think ‘bombs’,” said the Iranian leader. “They have not even considered that we might have discovered a new, wireless way to rapidly deliver lots of nuclear energy to all of the people in a single city all at once — even a city the size of Jerusalem, or Tel Aviv. Once we deliver this burst of energy to our Jewish brothers, their entire city will be freed from dependence on oil.”

Email Before There Was an Internet

Memorial Day Thought

Mekong River near Song My Tho 1971

A World War II veteran, closer now to 90 years than 80, told me he once had a dream that he died and was reunited with his fellow soldiers who had perished between Normandy and the Ardennes.

They were all as he remembered them, young men. He, however, in the dream appeared as he does today -- well advanced in years. They didn't know him at first, he being now decades their senior. It disturbed him to see himself that way, and to be seen by them an old man.

They left their youth on the beach.

Manhood rushed upon them, and they waded in -- wave upon wave. Then, just as suddenly, the life-tide ebbed, seeping into the sands of Omaha, Utah, Juno, Gold and Sword.

Those who fell left memories of perpetual youth and vigor, boldness, daring, duty and courage. They left their youth on the beach.

And what of they who slogged on through sand and mud, through hedgerow and hamlet, through field and forest eventually returning to their homes? What of they who rode the transports back, building homes and families, building vibrant communities and lasting institutions. They too left their youth on the beach.

All of the boys died that day near Cherbourg, Le Havre, Dieppe and Calais.

Beneath the deafening roar of artillery, amid the smoke and stench, manhood marched ashore soaked in salt and blood, and a decade passed in a moment. Only snapshots of youth remained. Only men lived on, aged beyond years.

Generations rolled by, and a thousand daily flag-bedecked caskets mark now each passing day. Those who left their youth on the beach with their fallen brothers of another century now leave their bodies for a distant shore.

Every war exacts its toll.

We left our youth on the beach there in WWII, and in the sweltering jungles of Vietnam, among the snow clad barren ground of Korea and in the choking sands of Iraq.

Those who died inspire us, and those who live return to lead and transform us.

Breaking News

Man wakes up from surgery to find a male hospital worker trying to give him mouth-to-penis resuscitation

Naughty Nurse Fantasy Gone Horribly Wrong...........

MIAMI BEACH, Fla., May 24 (UPI) -- A former employee of Florida's Mount Sinai Medical Center faces criminal charges after admitting to performing oral sex on a patient, police said.Hialeah, Fla., resident Pedro J. Gonzalez, 27, was charged with sexual battery, Miami Beach police said.The hospital fired Gonzalez after the April 30 incident, The Miami Herald reported Thursday.Gonzalez's hospital duties included wheeling patients through the building.''Even an isolated incident is unacceptable. We worked very closely with the Miami Beach police on this matter, and will continue to assist the authorities until a proper resolution is achieved,'' said hospital spokeswoman Pamela Gadinsky.The 31-year-old surgery patient said he was waking up from anesthesia when he shoved Gonzalez away after he "began to perform oral sex'' on him.

Hillary Raises RFK, D-Day as Reasons to Stay in Race

Just a day after citing the persistence of Robert F. Kennedy’s presidential campaign as justification for her to remain in the race for the Democrat nomination, Sen. Hillary Clinton noted that the U.S. victory over Hitler’s Germany “didn’t really get started until June.”
Sen. Clinton, in an interview aboard her financially-strapped campaign’s flagship Toyota Prius, said, “I’m reminded of the words of John Belushi who asked, ‘Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?’”
The former presumptive Democrat nominee said, “I’ve been thinking about Sen. Ted Kennedy’s recent medical challenges, and so I was reminded of the Kennedy family and how Bobby stayed in the race until June 6, when he withdrew unexpectedly. Of course, June 6, was D-Day, which was also the name of one of the main characters in the movie ‘Animal House’. That, naturally, reminded me of John Belushi and his inspiring speech about never giving up. So what I’m saying is that I’m a fighter, like the boys of Delta House.”
Sen. Clinton, eager to make sure her remarks and her motivations are not misinterpreted, said, “I don’t mean to raise the specter of assassination, global war and atomic bombs to say anything other than: It ain’t over ’til it’s totally, utterly and completely over.”

Government True-isms

People have asked me where I get the quotes you see to your right. Here are some more I have collected from various sources over the years.
*Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. - Mark Twain
*I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. - Winston Churchill
*A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw
*Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
*Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. - Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
*Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P. J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
*Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
*Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. - Ronald Reagan (1986)
*I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts - Will Rogers
*If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! -P. J. O'Rourke
*In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. –Voltaire (1764)
*Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! - Pericles (430 B.C.)
*No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. - Mark Twain (1866)
*Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it. - Unknown
*The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. - Ronald Reagan
*The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. - Winston Churchill
*The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. - Mark Twain
*The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. - Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
*There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress. - Mark Twain
*What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)
*A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. -Thomas Jefferson
---------

Breaking News from Sioux Falls

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. - Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton quickly apologized Friday after citing the June 1968 assassination of Robert F. Kennedy as a reason to remain in the race for the Democratic presidential nomination despite increasingly long odds.

Why is Hillary still in the running? Because according to her, Obama might be gunned down like Bobby Kennedy. Oops, she's sorry she said that out loud

Of course with the "Clinton Body Count" being what it is, What she said certainly has an ominous ring to it.



CLINTON BODY COUNT
Here is the latest body count that we have. All of these people have been connected with the Clintons in some form or another. We have not included any deaths that could not be verified or connected to the Clinton scandals. All deaths are listed chronologically by date. This list is current and accurate to the best of our knowledge as of January 13, 1999


Susan Coleman:August 1, 1986: Rumors were circulating in Arkansas of an affair with Bill Clinton. She was found dead with a gunshot wound to the head at 7 1/2 months pregnant. Death was an apparent suicide.


Larry Guerrin: Was killed in February 1987 while investigating the INSLAW case.


Kevin Ives & Don Henry: Initial cause of death was reported to be the result of falling asleep on a railroad track in Arkansas on August 23, 1987. This ruling was reported by the State medical examiner Fahmy Malak. Later it was determined that Kevin died from a crushed skull prior to being placed on the tracks. Don had been stabbed in the back. Rumors indicate that they might have stumbled upon a Mena drug operation.


Keith Coney: Keith had information on the Ives/Henry deaths. Died in a motorcycle accident in July 1988 with unconfirmed reports of a high speed car chase.


Keith McKaskle: McKaskle has information on the Ives/Henry deaths. He was stabbed to death in November 1988.


Gregory Collins: Greg had information on the Ives/Henry deaths. He died from a gunshot wound to the face in January 1989.


Jeff Rhodes: He had information on the deaths of Ives, Henry & McKaskle. His burned body was found in a trash dump in April 1989. He died of a gunshot wound to the head and there was some body mutilation, leading to the probably speculation that he was tortured prior to being killed. James Milam: Milam had information on the Ives & Henry deaths. He was decapitated. The state Medical examiner, Fahmy Malak, initially ruled death due to natural causes.


Richard Winters: Winters was a suspect in the deaths of Ives & Henry. He was killed in a "robbery" in July 1989 which was subsequently proven to be a setup.


Jordan Kettleson: Kettleson had information on the Ives & Henry deaths. He was found shot to death in the front seat of his pickup in June 1990.


Alan Standorf: An employee of the National Security Agency in electronic intelligence. Standorf was a source of information for Danny Casalaro who was investigating INSLAW, BCCI, etc. Standorf's body was found in the backseat of a car at Washington National Airport on Jan 31, 1991.


Dennis Eisman: An attorney with information on INSLAW. Eisman was found shot to death on April 5, 1991.


Danny Casalaro: Danny was a free-lance reporter and writer who was investigating the "October Surprise", INSLAW and BCCI. Danny was found dead in a bathtub in a Sheraton Hotel room in Martinsburg, West Virginia. Danny was staying at the hotel while keeping appointments in the DC area pertinent to his investigation. He was found with his wrists slashed. At least one, and possibly both of his wrists were cut 10 times. All of his research materials were missing and have never been recovered.


Victor Raiser: The National Finance Co-Chair for "Clinton for President." He died in a airplane crash on July 30, 1992. R. Montgomery Raiser: Also involved in the Clinton presidential campaign. He died in the same plane crash as Victor.


Paul Tully: Tulley was on the Democratic National Committee. He was found dead of unknown causes in his hotel room on September 24, 1992. No autopsy was ever allowed.


Ian Spiro: Spiro had supporting documentation for grand jury proceedings on the INSLAW case. His wife and 3 children were found murdered on November 1, 1992 in their home. They all died of gunshot wounds to the head. Ian's body was found several days later in a parked car in the Borego Desert. Cause of death? The ingestion of cyanide. FBI report indicated that Ian had murdered his family and then committed suicide.


Paula Gober: A Clinton speech writer. She died in a car accident on December 9, 1992 with no known witnesses.


Jim Wilhite: Wilhite was an associate of Mack McClarty's former firm. Wilhite died in a skiing accident on December 21, 1992. He also had extensive ties to Clinton with whom he visited by telephone just hours before his death.


Steve Willis, Robert Williams, Todd McKeahan & Conway LeBleu: Died Feburary 28, 1993 by gunfire at Waco. All four were examined by a pathologist and died from identical wounds to the left temple. All four had been body guards for Bill Clinton, three while campaigning for President and when he was Governor of Arkansas.They also were the ONLY 4 BATF agents killed at Waco.


Sgt. Brian Haney, Sgt. Tim Sabel, Maj. William Barkley, Capt. Scott Reynolds: Died: May 19, 1993 - All four men died when their helicopter crashed in the woods near Quantico, Va. - Reporters were barred from the site, and the head of the fire department responding to the crash described it by saying, "Security was tight," with "lots of Marines with guns." A videotape made by a firefighter was seized by the Marines. All four men had escorted Clinton on his flight to the carrier Roosevelt shortly before their deaths.


John Crawford: An attorney with information on INSLAW. He died from a heart attack in Tacoma in April of 1993.


John Wilson: Found dead from an apparent hanging suicide on May 18, 1993. He was a former Washington DC council member and claimed to have info on Whitewater.Paul Wilcher: A lawyer who was investigating drug running out of Mena, Arkansas and who also sought to expose the "October Surprise", BCCI and INSLAW. He was found in his Washington DC apartment dead of unknown causes on June 22, 1993.


Vincent Foster: A White House deputy counsel and long-time personal friend of Bill and Hillary's. Found on July 20, 1993, dead of a gunshot wound to the mouth -- a death ruled suicide. Many different theories on this case! Readers are encouraged to read our report in Strange Deaths.


Jon Parnell Walker: An investigator for the RTC who was looking into the linkage between the Whitewater and Madison S&L bankruptcy. Walker "fell" from the top of the Lincoln Towers Building.


Stanley Heard & Steven Dickson: They were members of the Clinton health care advisory committee. They died in a plane crash on September 10, 1993.


Jerry Luther Parks: Parks was the Chief of Security for Clinton's national campaign headquarters in Little Rock. Gunned down in his car on September 26, 1993 near the intersection of Chenal Parkway and Highway 10 west of Little Rock. Parks was shot through the rear window of his car. The assailant then pulled around to the driver's side of Park's car and shot him three more times with a 9mm pistol. His family reported that shortly before his death, they were being followed by unknown persons, and their home had been broken into (despite a top quality alarm system). Parks had been compiling a dossier on Clinton's illicit activities. The dossier was stolen.


Ed Willey: A Clinton fundraiser. He died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound on November 30, 1993. His death came the same day his wife, Kathleen, was sexually assaulted in the White House by Bill Clinton.


Gandy Baugh: Baugh was Lasater's attorney and committed suicide on January 8, 1994. Baugh's partner committed suicide exactly one month later on February 8, 1994. Herschell Friday: A member of the presidential campaign finance committee. He died in an airplane explosion on March 1, 1994.


Ronald Rogers: Rogers died on March 3, 1994 just prior to releasing sensitive information to a London newspaper. Cause of death? Undetermined.


Kathy Furguson: A 38 year old hospital worker whose ex-husband is a co- defendant in the Paula Jones sexual harassment law suit. She had information supporting Paula Jone's allegations. She died of an apparent suicide on May 11, 1994 from a gunshot wound to the head.


Bill Shelton: Shelton was an Arkansas police officer and was found dead as an apparent suicide on kathy Ferguson's grave (Kathy was his girl friend), on June 12, 1994. This "suicide" was the result of a gunshot wound to the back of the head.


Stanley Huggins: Huggins, 46, was a principal in a Memphis law firm which headed a 1987 investigation into the loan practices of Madison Guaranty S&L. Stanley died in Delaware in July 1994 -- reported cause of death was viral pneumonia.


Paul Olson: A Federal witness in investigations to drug money corruption in Chicago politics, Paul had just finished 2 days of FBI interviews when his plane ride home crashed, killing Paul and 130 others on Sept 8 1994. The Sept. 15, 1994 Tempe Tribune newspaper reported that the FBI suspected that a bomb had brought down the airplane.


Calvin Walraven: 24 year on Walraven was a key witness against Jocelyn Elder's son's drug case. Walraven was found dead in his apartment with a gunshot wound to the head. Tim Hover, a Little Rock police spokesman says no foul play is suspected.


Alan G. Whicher: Oversaw Clinton's Secret Service detail. In October 1994 Whicher was transferred to the Secret Service field office in the Murrah Building in Oklahoma City. Whatever warning was given to the BATF agents in that building did not reach Alan Whicher, who died in the bomb blast of April 19th 1995.


Duane Garrett: Died July 26, 1995-A lawyer and a talk show host for KGO-AM in San Fransisco, Duane was the campaign finance chairman for Diane Fienstien's run for the senate, and was a friend and fundraiser for Al Gore. Garrett was under investigation for defrauding investors in Garrett's failed sports memorabilia venture. There was talk of a deal to evade prosecution. On July 26th, Garrett canceled an afternoon meeting with his lawyer because he had to meet some people at the San Fransisco airport. Three hours later he was found floating in the bay under the Golden Gate Bridge.


Ron Brown:. The Commerce Secretary died on April 3, 1996, in an Air Force jet carrying Brown and 34 others, including 14 business executives on a trade mission to Croatia, crashed into a mountainside. The Air Force, in a 22-volume report issued in June of 1996, confirmed its initial judgment that the crash resulted from pilot errors and faulty navigation equipment At the time of Brown's death, Independent Counsel Daniel Pearson was seeking to determine whether Brown had engaged in several sham financial transactions with longtime business partner Nolanda Hill shortly before he became secretary of commerce.


Charles Meissner: died: UNK - Following Ron Brown's death, John Huang was placed on a Commerce Department contract that allowed him to retain his security clearanceby Charles Meissner. Shortly thereafter, Meissner died in the crash of a small plane. He was an Assistant Secretary of Commerce for International Economic Policy.


William Colby: Retired CIA director was found dead on May 6,1996 after his wife reported him missing on April 27,1996. Apparently, Colby decided to go on a impromptu canoeing excursion and never returned. Colby who had just started writing for Strategic Investment newsletter, worried many in the intelligent community. Colby's past history of divulging CIA secrets in the past were well known. Strategic Investor had covered the Vince Foster suicide and had hired handwriting experts to review Foster's suicide note.


Admiral Jeremy Boorda: Died on May 16,1996 after he went home for lunch and decided to shoot himself in the chest (by one report, twice) rather than be interviewed by Newsweek magazine that afternoon. Explanations for Boorda's suicide focused on a claim that he was embarrassed over two "Valor" pins he was not authorized to wear.


Lance Herndon: Herndon a 41 year old computer specialist and a prominent entrepreneur who received a presidential appointment in 1995 died August 10, 1996 under suspicious circumstances. He appeared to have died from a blow to the head. Police said no weapons were found at his mansion, adding that Mr. Herndon had not been shot or stabbed and there was no evidence of forced entry or theft.


Neil Moody: Died -August 25, 1996 Following Vincent Foster's murder, Lisa Foster married James Moody, a judge in Arkansas, on Jan 1, 1996. Near the time Susan McDougal first went to jail for contempt, Judge Moor's son, Neil died in a car crash. There were other reports that Neil Moody had discovered something very unsettling among his stepmother's private papers and was threatening to go public with it just prior to the beginning of the Democratic National Convention. He was alleged to have been talking to Bob Woodward of the Washington Post about a blockbuster story. Witnesses said they saw Neil Moody sitting in his car arguing with another person just prior to His car suddenly speeding off out of control and hitting a brick wall.


Barbara Wise: Wise a 14-year Commerce Department employee found dead and partially naked in her office following a long weekend. She worked in the same section as John Huang. Officially, she is said to have died of natural causes.


Doug Adams: Died January 7, 1997- A lawyer in Arkansas who got involved trying to help the people who were being swindled out of their life savings. Adams was found in his vehicle with a gunshot wound to his head in a Springfield Mo. hospital parking lot.


Mary C. Mahoney: 25, murdered at the Georgetown Starbuck's coffee bar over the 4th of July '97 weekend. She was a former White House intern who worked with John Huang. Apparently she knew Monica Lewinsky and her sexual encounters with Bill Clinton. Although not verified, it has been said that Lewinsky told Linda Tripp that she did not want to end up like Mahoney.


Ronald Miller: Suddenly took ill on October 3rd,1997 and steadily worsened until his death 9 days later. (This pattern fits Ricin poisoning.) Owing to the strangeness of the illness, doctors at the Integris Baptist Medical Center referred the matter to the Oklahoma State Medical Examiner's Office. The Oklahoma State Medical Examiner's Office promptly ran tests on samples of Ron Miller's blood, but has refused to release the results or even to confirm that the tests were ever completed. Had been investigated by authorities over the sale of his company, Gage Corp. to Dynamic Energy Resources, Inc. was the man who tape recorded Gene and Nora Lum and turned those tapes (and other records) over to congressional oversight investigators. The Lums were sentenced to prison for campaign finance violations, using "straw donors" to conceal the size of their contributions to various candidates. Indeed, Dynamic Energy Resources, Inc. had hired Ron Brown's son Michael solely for the purpose of funneling $60,000 through him to the Commerce Secretary, according to Nolanda Hill's testimony.
Sandy Hume: On Sunday, February 22nd, 1998, Sandy Hume, the 28 year old son of journalist Britt Hume, was reportedly found dead in his Arlington, Virginia home. Aside from the statement that this was an "apparent" suicide, there remains in place a total media blackout on this story, possibly out of concern that the actual facts will not withstand public scrutiny. Worked for Hill magazine, about Congress for Congress.
Jim McDougal: Bill and Hillary Clinton friend, banker, and political ally, sent to prison for eighteen felony convictions. A key whitewater witness, dies of a heart attack on March, 8 1998. As of this writing allegations that he was given an injection of the diuretic lasix has not been denied or confirmed.Died on March 8, 1998


Johnny Lawhon: 29, died March 29, 1998- The Arkansas transmission specialist who discovered a pile of Whitewater documents in the trunk of an abandoned car on his property and turned them over to Starr, was killed in a car wreck two weeks after the McDougal death.. Details of the "accident" have been sketchy -- even from the local Little Rock newspaper.


Charles Wilbourne Miller: 63, was found dead of a gunshot wound to the head on November 17, 1998 in a shallow pit about 300 yards from his ranch house near Little Rock. Police found a .410 gauge shotgun near Miller's body and a Ruger .357-caliber revolver submerged in water. Investigators concluded the Ruger was the weapon used by Miller to kill himself. Yet, two rounds in the handgun's cylinder had been spent.He had long served as executive vice president and member of the board of directors for a company called Alltel and was deeply involved in his own software engineering company until the day he died. Alltel is the successor to Jackson Stephens' Systematics, the company that provided the software for the White House's "Big Brother" data base system and that was behind the administration's plan to develop the secret computer "Clipper" chip to bug every phone, fax and email transmission in America.
Carlos Ghigliotti: 42, was found dead in his home just outside of Washington D.C. on April 28, 2000. There was no sign of a break-in or struggle at the firm of Infrared Technology where the badly decomposed body of Ghigliotti was found. Ghigliotti had not been seen for several weeks.
Ghigliotti, a thermal imaging analyst hired by the House Government Reform Committee to review tape of the siege, said he determined the FBI fired shots on April 19, 1993. The FBI has explained the light bursts on infrared footage as reflections of sun rays on shards of glass or other debris that littered the scene. "I conclude this based on the groundview videotapes taken from several different angles simultaneously and based on the overhead thermal tape," Ghigliotti told The Washington Post last October. "The gunfire from the ground is there, without a doubt." Ghigliotti said the tapes also confirm the Davidians fired repeatedly at FBI agents during the assault, which ended when flames raced through the compound. About 80 Branch Davidians perished that day, some from the fire, others from gunshot wounds.
Mark Corallo, a spokesman for the congressional committee chaired by Rep. Dan Burton, R-Ind., said that police found the business card of a committee investigator in Ghigliotti's office. Corallo said Ghigliotti's work for the committee ended some time ago.
Tony Moser: 41, was killed as he crossed a street in Pine Bluff, Ark on on June 10, 2000. Killed 10 days after being named a columnist for the Democrat-Gazette newspaper and two days after penning a stinging indictment of political corruption in Little Rock. Police have concluded that no charges will be filed against the unnamed driver of a 1995 Chevrolet pickup, which hit Moser as he was walking alone in the middle of unlit Rhinehart Road about 10:10 p.m Police say they have ruled out foul play and will file no charges against the driver because he was not intoxicated and there was no sign of excessive speed.
Clinton Body Count

"Published originally at EtherZone.com : republication allowed with this notice and hyperlink intact."

Breaking News from Discovery.com

Scientists suggest that the numbers of perfect games are increasing because bowlers have rough balls. Bowlers teste about the accusation, insist that it's skill, "nobody is going to take #80 grit to my mangerines!"

Bill Clinton Makes Case for Hillary as Veep

Former President Bill Clinton, faithful to his wife to the end, today made the case that putting her on the ticket as vice president “would accomplish what Democrats have dreamed of for years.”

“Black racists and white racists would, of course, refuse to vote for Obama-Hillary,” said Mr. Clinton. “Elitists will snub Hillary and blue-collar union workers will thumb their noses at Obama. Bitter, man-hating women will reject him and misogynists will spurn her. Social Security dependents will abandon Barack and, as usual, young radicals will merely intend to vote. Essentially, that covers the full range of registered Democrats.”

The former president said the Obama-Hillary pairing “would balance the ticket in way that keeps virtually every Democrat at home on election day, thus de-legitimizing the process, which we all know is corrupt anyway.”

Deal: MI, FL Delegates Seated With Other 55 States

Sen. Barack Obama has finally agreed to Sen. Hillary Clinton’s demand that delegates from Michigan and Florida be seated at the Democrat convention in violation of party rules, on the condition that the votes of “disenfranchised delegates” from the seven remaining states also get counted.
“Our objection to seating the illegal delegates, of course, had nothing to do with the rule of law,” said Sen. Obama, “but it came from a sense of fairness and justice — a moral imperative if you will — that voters from all 57 states in which I campaigned should have a place at the table.”
Sen. Clinton who won in Florida, where Sen. Obama did not campaign due to party rules, and also won in Michigan, where her rival’s name did not appear on the ballot, expressed relief today.
“Finally,” she said, “the glass ceiling of rules and ethics which has held women down for decades has been broken.”
Democrat National Committee chairman Howard Dean, who brokered the deal, said, “As always, the Democrat Party will pull together and set aside our differences to capture the White House just as we have done twice in the past 40 years.”
Mr. Dean added, “All that remains to be decided is how to appoint delegates from seven more states without offending the other 20 European Union members.”

Breaking News from MSNBC

First dinosaur tracks found in ancient Arabia, right where the Bible says Jesus® rode his brontosaurus

Obama's Wife Can't Hide From Public Scrutiny

Back when the snows were falling on the fields of Iowa, Barack Obama seemed more like a starry-eyed innocent whose fresh approach to a “new politics” was as welcome as a day of spring sunshine.

But now, almost five months later, the thaw has brought a much rougher edge to the Obama candidacy, something that may have been conditioned on the streets of South Chicago. On a network morning show this week, Obama became heated over a Republican Internet ad aired during the Kentucky primary campaign, and he warned that “these folks should lay off my wife.”

The problem is that Michelle Obama has become part of her husband’s campaign tour, and she has no more immunity from the political dialogue than anyone else.

She has made speeches on the campaign trail, granted numerous media interviews and even had her say Monday - on the same TV program where Obama issued his warning - about Democrat rival Hillary Clinton.

That kind of active participation in a presidential campaign doesn’t earn points in a plea for protection. The Internet ad, particularly, focuses on Michelle Obama’s comment two months ago that “for the first time in my adult life, I am proud of my country.”

Her husband’s admonition this week seemed to invoke some special rule for his wife, compared to others on the campaign trail. “The GOP, should I be the (Democrat) nominee, I think can say whatever they want to say about me, my track record. I’ve been in public life for 20 years. I expect them to pore through everything I’ve said, every utterance, every statement. And to paint it in the most undesirable light possible. That’s what they do.

“But I do want to say this to the GOP. If they think that they’re going to make Michelle an issue in this campaign, they should be careful, because that I find unacceptable.”

Here’s the problem: It wasn’t the GOP or the media that has made Michelle “an issue in this campaign.” She did that herself.

Can you imagine what political storm would have developed had Nancy Reagan, or Roslyn Carter or Barbara Bush had made a statement similar to Mrs. Obama’s? It would have whipped the pundits and rival party into Category 5 frenzy.

But Obama appears to want to change the rules as they have applied to other candidates’ wives, including their finances, their medical records and their political views.

Cindy McCain, wife of Obama’s opponent in the November election if both secure their party’s nomination, already has had her past addiction to narcotics exposed - an addiction resulting from medication from painful back injuries sustained in an accident. She also is under pressure from Obama’s party to reveal her personal financial records.

McCain has issued no corresponding ultimatum for the Democrats or the media to “lay off my wife.” He knows, and his wife knows, it goes with the territory - and the terrain of that territory can’t be changed for one candidate and not another.

Obama tried Monday to put his objections in a wider context, which might be considered admirable. “I think that the American people also would like to see some restoration of decency to this process. And when you start attacking family members, there’s a lack of decency there.”

It was a lame attempt, however.

There is no lack of decency in questioning a person’s insistent statement of having a life-long lack of pride in America - especially when the speaker seems to have enjoyed many of the benefits of a free and generous society.

Where does such bitterness come from, and how durable is it? That hardly seems to be an indecent concern.

The Obamas need to adjust, particularly considering the serious nature of Michelle Obama’s self-confessed lack of respect for America. That’s in a category separate from which designer’s dresses she might prefer.

If Michelle insists on sharing the platform, she has to accept the sometimes harsh glare of the spotlight.

Breaking News

Obama wins Oregon; Hillary loses 3 oxen fording the river, and 2 members of her party have dysentery.

God Help Me, I'm Reading the Instructions

I go through a general process whenever I buy something that requires installation or assembly. It goes like this:
1. Return home excited at the prospect of the new product and rip it open five nanoseconds after I get home in spite of any other plans I may otherwise have.
2. Read the directions.
3. Curse loudly.
4. Spend the next five hours trying to decipher the directions, periodically taking time to spew a long list of swear words.
5. Give up.
6. Briefly consider hari-kari.
7. Take 10 minutes to finish the project without directions.

In a word, product instructions suck. They're frequently written in 49 different languages, including several that are known to only a handful of linguistic scholars. And those that are written in English are written in Engineer, meaning that they're totally useless, anyway.

Particularly frustrating is that these writers tend to make up their own words for things. So you get phrases like “loop the fosset wire (A) through the tribolt (B) and tighten using the baring driver.” What the hell are you guys talking about? Engineers may know what a tribolt or a fosset wire is but nobody else does. Try using the word "thingy" or "that hooked deal" alongside big, full-color pictures. Then I'll know what you're talking about.

Each of the last several projects I've tried were only successful once I canned the instructions and did it myself. This included projects I'd done before, like installing a ceiling fan or a new dead-bolt on our front door, and projects I had no clue about, like installing a microwave over my stove. And it's not like I'm Bob Vila, either. I'm a writer, for crying out loud. Mechanical things scare me naked. I need instructions.

So I shall end this post with a request – NO, forget that. I'm going to get myself down on my knees and I'm going to BEG any reader who owns a company that sells products of any kind that require instructions: Please, for the love of all that's good and holy, appoint a Vice President of Obviousness. This person can be anything but an engineer or a technogeek, preferably a grandmother who has no qualifications other than she can't program a DVD player. That person should be required to read and fully understand any directions written by the company before they are put out for public consumption. And if she can understand them then maybe, as God is my witness, I may get it, too.

And while she's at it, the VP of Obviousness can do something about customer service. But that's another post.

Teenage Shakedown

I am getting a little tired of the teenage shakedown. Everywhere I go there is a kid shaking me down for money to support their sport trip, dance class, play, program ads etc. What exactly is the lesson being learned when you tell kids that in order to get what they want they should panhandle. At least the con men who ask for $3 tell you it is just to catch the bus home. With that I can feel some delusional gratification even though I know it's for wine. But to hit me up when I am trying to go buy a soda because the marching band is going to Florida for “finals" is just plain arrogant. First of all, guess what my school taxes are....too damn high that's what they are. Guess how many kids I have in school...not any, zero, zip, zilch. So while I am metal detecting my back yard to find oil money so I can have heat, you little trumpet playing snowflakes are planning to go to Florida? I haven't gone anywhere tropical since 19877 when I slipped across the border into Tijuana and got shit on by seagulls. Secondly, why do the “finals" have to be in Florida? Why can't we herd all of you little percussionists into a high school gym somewhere so you can see what the gym looks like other than when you’re laying on your back from just getting knocked out in dodge ball. Your poor father is busing tables at IHOP so you can go blow your tuba in South Beach? Get lost. And why does the swim team need to raise money? What possible supplies can be out of your economic threshold? If you can't afford Speedo’s, wear your mother’s panties; stop blocking my way into the 7-11.
They aren't even taught how to beg correctly. They set up a table at like 11 am, Crayola some goofy poster on an old pickle bucket and sit on their asses while their fat mothers peer at me while I run past. They don't even get the heck up! If I ever do contribute to these little bastards it's going to be when I wiz nickels at them from the car as I am pulling out.
And if they need money so bad, how did they all get those cheesy satin jackets with their name on them that they'll outgrow in 7 months? Crackheads look like crackheads. Their clothes are dirty, teeth are rotten, smell like urine. But these kids look like they just left a
Sears catalog and are about to dance in Annie. You want my money...earn it. At least the fat softball chicks offer to wash my car.
But why is it every car wash flick I ever saw had hot chicks with half tops on waiving at traffic? Around here they don't block traffic with sexy outfits; they block lanes with their thighs. It is like some kind of nightmare softball fantasy league where you were stuck with all catchers. Every one of them looks like Rosie O’Donnell in a League of Their Own.
The Girl Scouts have a product. Those mint cookies and coconut whatever’s are good but not that good. $4-5 a box for cookies? I am not paying 25 cents a cookie so you can learn how to tie knots

You Want A Bizarre Rant? I'll Give You a Bizarre Rant

My daughter in an email today asked why I, as a Republican, only blogged about Democrats. In response I have asked my friend John McCain to write my blog for me today. Thanks John.

For your blog Hunter Party of One,
By John McCain
Friends, campaigns aren’t all baby-kissing and photo-ops in front of the flag. Sometimes, when your opponent implies that you are too senile to be president, the kid gloves have to come off. And sometimes, you take the kid gloves off, put some brass knuckles on, and ram your fist down your opponent’s fucking throat.I’m pissed off because this little twerp Obama, who was six fucking years old when I was getting my toenails ripped out by gook—er, the North Vietnamese—and can’t fucking bowl to save his life, not only said I was “losing my bearings,” he called my campaign’s response to it a “bizarre rant.”No, you know what’s bizarre? This campaign. I remember when I was just breaking into politics, we didn’t have this 24-hour-news-cycle bullshit, where every little thing you do is put under a microscope. I mean, I once punched Lyndon Johnson in the face for calling me a pigfucker and no one heard about it, but now I can’t take a shit without twenty bloggers speculating about its consistency.In the good old days, we’d have one debate, and maybe it’d be on television—not that it mattered much, since most people didn’t have television. They got their news from radios and newspapers, which we called “broadsheets” or “talking papers.” In today’s world, I have to go on some stupid fake news show and banter with some candy-ass liberal who probably did blow with his ugly comedian friends right before interviewing me. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s fake news.
Obama, if you’re reading this, you should thank your lucky stars my staff is watching me 24 hours a day (they keep saying something about a “loose cannon”). If I had my druthers, I wouldn’t be responding to your insults with a memo. I’d be wearing my old covert-op gear, gripping a knife between my teeth, and waiting for you in the toilet of your fancy-schmancy private jet. There are advantages to age and experience. Like knowing how to strip the skin off of someone’s chest without letting them pass out. Let’s see who loses whose bearings when you’re tied to the bottom of the Straight Talk Express with piano wire. Remember, “Barry,” I’ve killed men before, and I’m willing to do so again.
Oh, I’ve got to run. It was Mothers’ Day a couple of Sundays ago and I missed it. Got to go see her now, she is 96 you know. Mom likes to talk about how I was born in a bar, surrounded by bottles of scotch and drunks who showed up to witness the miracle of birth, which was a big draw back in the days of vaudeville. Coming, Mother!

Advancements in Toilet Technology

Toilets could really be improved, and I have the solutions. Unfotunately, I am too busy to realize this dream, so I'm handing the ideas over to you, the masses. And by “masses”, I mean the zero people who read this amazing, thought-provoking, cutting-edge blog. Thank-you, thank-you. No, really, you're too kind.

Built-in ventilation
Bathroom ventilation is always in the wrong place, way up on the ceiling. That's no good. Let's get the stinkies before they escape the toilet bowl in the first place. I envision a series of small holes lining the bottom of the toilet seat. These holes lead to a tube embedded within the seat itself, which runs into the wall, where a small fan then sucks the stinky air outside.

And what would be really great is if the system came on automatically when you sat down on the toilet.

Remote Flushing
Another good feature would be a remote control flusher. This way you could flush the toilet from a distance. Why would you want to do that? Ever been talking on the phone while you're taking a crap? You don't want the person on the other end to hear you flush, so you can walk away from the bathroom and then flush.

Paper Alert
Another improvement would be a sensor that would detect if there is no toilet paper. It starts beeping when you sit on the toilet to alert you that you're about to get into a situation in which you're either going to have to open the door and shout “Can somebody bring me some toilet paper?”, or, if you live alone, then you have to walk to the other bathroom while stooped over and holding your butt-cheeks apart with your hands.

Emergency Overflow Prevention
Why this isn't already a standard feature is beyond me. I'm picturing it as a big red button that, when pressed, will stop the flow of water into the toilet after you've flushed. That way, whenever you see that the toilet's about to overflow, you just hit the big red button and the water stops rising.

Sleep Saving Pee-Hole
This last one's a little different, and technically is not a toilet improvement per say... but it's related. And it's only for people with penises.

Wait, that doesn't look right. Is that how you pluralize “penis”? Penises? Or is it penii? And would “people with penises” mean people with more than one penis? Because that's not what I mean. I mean people who have just one penis each. I got it:

It's for dudes.

It's a tube that runs up through a hole in the mattress of your bed. A fabric-covered trap-door allows you to stick your penis in and pee. It even has a flushing mechanism and a built-in automatic dick-shaker. Nice. Not only do you not have to get out of bed to take a leak, you don't even have to shake your dick.

Here's the commercial, complete with annoying TV voice:

Hey guys! Tired of getting out of bed to drain the lizard?

Well now you don't have to! Introducing “The Dude Tube”TM!

The amazing Dude Tube turns your bed into a toilet.

That's right, you heard me - It turns your bed into a toilet!

How does it work?

Just roll on your stomach, stick your ding-dong in the special Ding-Dong HoleTM and let Dude Tube do the rest!

No longer will you have to stand-up to piss! Dude Tube takes vertical pissing OUT of the EQUATION!

But wait – there's more!

The Dude Tube comes with a built-in Pecker ShakerTM. Three good shakes and you're good to go!

For the ultimate in late-night, hands-free, high-tech horizontal urination, call the number on your screen NOW!!

Isn't it time YOU started peeing in your bed?

Bubba Boosts Obama

In what some Democratic Party insiders are calling a particularly ominous sign for Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign, former President Bill Clinton today became the latest superdelegate to switch from Sen. Clinton to her rival, Sen. Barack Obama.

Sources close to the former president said that Bill Clinton had been mulling such a defection for weeks, as early as the night of the Iowa primary, but that he only decided to make his decision public today.

"The American people want change," Bill Clinton said at a news conference in New York. "Lord knows I do."

The former president said that "sometimes, at the end of a race, you have to put an old horse down," adding, "I'm not speaking metaphorically."

Bill Clinton fueled speculation that he was seeking a role in an Obama administration, saying, "I know my way around the Oval Office, and I know how the supersecret double-lock works."

The former president said he would relish a return to the White House, calling his tenure there "good times."

For her part, Sen. Clinton said that the defection of her husband would not deter her from staying in the race, adding, "To my knowledge, he's the only white voter Sen. Obama has."

The New York senator denied that she was playing the race card, arguing, "Every other member of my family is supporting me, and by the way, they're white."

Feds to Raid Isolated, Black-Robed California Sect

Federal agents and National Guard troops surrounded the gleaming white temple-like San Francisco enclave of an isolationist sect after the black-robed “high priests” of the group yesterday declared themselves to be above the laws of the state of California.

In a move reminiscent of recent raids on polygamist compounds elsewhere, authorities prepared to seize documents and computers, and to rescue any young interns or clerks who might have fallen victim to the cult’s bizarre, extra-legal rituals.

Yesterday, the “Supreme” leaders of the sect briefly emerged from hiding to issue a declaration overriding two state laws and loosening the definition of marriage to include “any practice or lifestyle the prohibition of which might make one feel discriminated against.”
“We’d like this siege to end peacefully,” said a Justice Department spokesman, “but these people need to know that this is still the United States of America. You can’t set up your own sovereign nation within its borders, and make up your own set of rules that counter the will of the people and violate the law of the land.”

Hillary Clinton Applies for Food Stamps

Clinton needs public assistance for her campaign–and her dinner table.
With her struggling presidential campaign millions of dollars in debt, Hillary Clinton revealed this morning that she has filed for public assistance.
“This just shows how committed I am to the working class who can’t afford health care or food without going into serious debt,” Clinton told The Peoples News this morning while downing a slice of government cheese. “I’ve become one of them.”
Most of Clinton’s debt is on her black America Express card, which has no limit. Its balance is now $5,207,830.22, according to records released by the Hillary 2008 Campaign. Some of the high priced items included ‘five cases of the L’Oreal face scrub,’ ‘the season 4 DVD of The Wire’ and ‘J. Wright’s speaking fee for the NAACP dinner.’
AMEX CEO Ken Chenault said his company was considering revoking Clinton’s card.
“She isn’t making an effort to pay it, she doesn’t return our calls, we’ve had to turn it over to creditors,” Chenault said. “I thought Bill was supposed to be the black one.”
The revelation about her debt came one day after Clinton was trounced in the North Carolina primary by Barack Obama, and only managed to eke out a narrow victory over the Illinois senator in Indiana, a state she expected to win handily.
Experts believe Clinton made the debt public so no one would think it odd this afternoon when she went to shop with Food Stamps at the Sav-A-Lot down the street from her Chappaqua home.
But the move might also be a ploy so sympathetic donors—namely, her husband, Bill—will once again dig deep into their pockets to finance her presidential run.
“This woman, she just won’t give up,” Bill Clinton said, before almost imperceptibly sighing and rolling his eyes.
His wife echoed the statement.
“I’ll be president no matter what it costs,” she says. “As long as someone else is footing the bill, I’ll run forever if I have to.”

Edwards Finally Endorses Obama, Mulls Derby Pick

Former Democrat presidential hopeful John Edwards Wednesday endorsed Sen. Barack Obama’s White House bid, but said he’s still undecided about which horse to pick in the Kentucky Derby, which was run on May 3.
Sen. Obama welcomed the support of the one-term senator who is, thus far, 0-for-3 in attempts to win a post in the executive branch of the U.S. government.
“Coming as it does after nearly all of the primaries are finished,” Sen. Obama said, “The timing of John Edwards’ endorsement illustrates what he often says. There are two Americas: One that backs a candidate in the heat of battle when he really needs help, and another that sucks up to the victor when his triumph is clearly at hand.”
Meanwhile, Democrat presidential rival Sen. Hillary Clinton said, “I’m a fighter, and I remain determined to secure John Edwards’ endorsement. I’ll continue to pursue him up through the convention, and even during President Obama’s inaugural address if necessary.”

Car Shows....Don't forget your camera

When I was younger I lived for the day that my Father would take me to Denver for the annual Auto Show, then when I got older came the hot rod shows with my friends, and then the Cruise Ins and Show and Shines at the local drive in. But I never remembered to take my camera to record the moment. At the Denver Auto Show this year it was readily apparent to me why men take their digital cameras to car shows...and it is not to take pictures of the latest Dodge Challenger.

Hillary Calls for "Separate but Equal" Nominees

After a commanding win in West Virginia, yet another Democrat primary in which the candidates’ skin color proved decisive, Sen. Hillary Clinton today said her strength among white racists, combined with rival Barack Obama’s among black racists, calls for “a new, more enlightened approach to nominating a president.”
“In such a racially-divided party, neither of us can be the nominee of all the people,” said Sen. Clinton, “So, when we get to the convention in Denver, I’m going to propose we nominate two separate-but-equal presidential candidates.”
Sen. Clinton said that when Democrats recapture the White House, both Presidents Obama and Clinton would serve together, thus uniting the party “with malice toward none, with charity for all as we become a government of the people, by the people and for all the discriminating people of these United States.”
The former First Lady expects little opposition to the plan at the convention, since having two presidents serving side-by-side is “not a new concept for Democrats.”

DNA Study Finds Chihuahuas Aren't Dogs

As part of an ambitious effort to identify genes that cause disease in dogs and humans, scientists at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle analyzed DNA collected from 414 dogs representing 85 breeds, including some of the most popular. The findings have sent reverberations though the ranks of dog fanciers, who primp and preen their beloved companions for shows and take great pride in their pedigrees.

"It was a surprise to find that some breeds such as the Ibizan hound and the Pharaoh hound, along with several others that dog aficionados have long believed dated back thousands of years, are actually much more modern animals – re-creations that were probably produced by breeders," said geneticist Leonid Kruglyak, who helped conduct the research. "However, it was more of a surprise to find that some breeds are not even dogs."

Among other findings, the analysis determined that the Chihuahua is actually a type of large rodent, selectively bred for centuries to resemble a canine.

"This is clearly going to raise some eyebrows in the Chihuahua world," said Peggy Wilson, president of the Chihuahua Club of America. "It goes against our belief system. People are pretty passionate about their dogs. There is going to be disbelief."

Using 96 distinct patterns in the genes called "microsatellites," the researchers compared dogs within breeds, and breeds with one another. In the May 21 issue of the journal Science, the team concluded that almost every breed was surprisingly distinct genetically. They were able to identify each dog's breed by its genes with 99 percent accuracy. They also found that breeds could be clearly grouped into four distinct clusters based on striking genetic similarities: ancient dogs, hunters, herders, and guard dogs.

"Once we had these groups pretty well mapped out, the canine mimics were easy to pick out," added Kruglyak. "And actually, it was kind of intuitive in hindsight."

The study found that several diminutive breeds had been independently created around the world from a variety of other animals, including the Lhasa apso (Tibetan snow rabbit), Pekingese (Chinese water rat), Shih Tzu (stoat), and Yorkshire Terrier (pigeon).

"Most of these do contain some actual dog genes," admitted Kruglyak, "but the percentage is no higher than ten percent in each case."

Officials at the American Kennel Club and the AKC Canine Health Foundation praised the work in spite of the controversial findings, saying it will help breeders, veterinarians and scientists eliminate dog diseases.

"This really is revolutionary in terms of increasing the number of tools available to breeders," the AKC's Patti Strand said. "It really will have a tremendous effect on improving the health of dogs. However, it does require us to rethink our mission and reevaluate whether it is appropriate to continue numbering breeds such as Chihuahuas and Yorkies with the real dogs."

The potential ramifications of these findings are significant as condominiums and rentals around the nation which prohibit exotic animals anxiously await news as to whether scientists will be officially reclassifying these breeds as other animals.

"Oh, heavens, if they make it official that Chihuahuas aren't dogs, it would make my day," said Miami condominium owner Frances LaCroix. "I would finally have grounds to make Elsie Tabernathy get rid of her wretched little yapping pack of – rodents, did you say they were? Oh, that would be marvelous."

White Hillary Voters in WV Can Use X for Signature

Under pressure from Sen. Hillary Clinton, the state of West Virginia today launched a public service TV commercial reminding white Democrats that they can “make their mark” rather than signing their names in the precinct register for Today’s primary.
The move follows Sen. Clinton’s recent remarks that much of her support comes from whites who work hard and don’t have as much education as backers of rival Sen. Barack Obama. The little-known “Festus Provision” of the state’s election law allows voters to make an “X” in the precinct register to record their presence at the polling place.
Meanwhile, the Clinton campaign has unleashed a barrage of TV and radio ads highlighting the difference between the candidates with the slogan: “Pick the Longer Name.”
The Obama for America campaign, struggling to connect with an electorate comprised largely of bitter West Virginians who cling to their guns and religion, today plans a “white wine and brie” skeet-shooting reception at St. Vegan’s Unitarian Universalist Church, near downtown Nitro.

Seeds of Destruction

The Clintons have never understood how to exit the stage gracefully.
Their repertoire has always been deficient in grace and class. So there was Hillary Clinton cold-bloodedly asserting to USA Today that she was the candidate favored by “hard-working Americans, white Americans,” and that her opponent, Barack Obama, the black candidate, just can’t cut it with that crowd.

“There’s a pattern emerging here,” said Mrs. Clinton.

There is, indeed. There was a name for it when the Republicans were using that kind of lousy rhetoric to good effect: it was called the Southern strategy, although it was hardly limited to the South. Now the Clintons, in their desperation to find some way — any way — back to the White House, have leapt aboard that sorry train.

He can’t win! Don’t you understand? He’s black! He’s black!

The Clintons have been trying to embed that gruesomely destructive message in the brains of white voters and superdelegates for the longest time. It’s a grotesque insult to African-Americans, who have given so much support to both Bill and Hillary over the years.

(Representative Charles Rangel of New York, who is black and has been an absolutely unwavering supporter of Senator Clinton’s White House quest, told The Daily News: “I can’t believe Senator Clinton would say anything that dumb.”)

But it’s an insult to white voters as well, including white working-class voters. It’s true that there are some whites who will not vote for a black candidate under any circumstance. But the United States is in a much better place now than it was when people like Richard Nixon, George Wallace and many others could make political hay by appealing to the very worst in people, using the kind of poisonous rhetoric that Senator Clinton is using now.

I don’t know if Senator Obama can win the White House. No one knows. But to deliberately convey the idea that most white people — or most working-class white people — are unwilling to give an African-American candidate a fair hearing in a presidential election is a slur against whites.

The last time the Clintons had to make a big exit was at the end of Bill Clinton’s second term as president — and they made a complete and utter hash of that historic moment. Having survived the Monica Lewinsky ordeal, you might have thought the Clintons would be on their best behavior.

Instead, a huge scandal erupted when it became known that Mrs. Clinton’s brothers, Tony and Hugh Rodham, had lobbied the president on behalf of criminals who then received presidential pardons or a sentence commutation from Mr. Clinton.

Tony Rodham helped get a pardon for a Tennessee couple that had hired him as a consultant and paid or loaned him hundreds of thousands of dollars. Over the protests of the Justice Department, President Clinton pardoned the couple, Edgar Allen Gregory Jr. and his wife, Vonna Jo, who had been convicted of bank fraud in Alabama.

Hugh Rodham was paid $400,000 to lobby for a pardon of Almon Glenn Braswell, who had been convicted of mail fraud and perjury, and for the release from prison of Carlos Vignali, a drug trafficker who was convicted and imprisoned for conspiring to sell 800 pounds of cocaine. Sure enough, in his last hours in office (when he issued a blizzard of pardons, many of them controversial), President Clinton agreed to the pardon for Braswell and the sentence commutation for Vignali.

Hugh Rodham reportedly returned the money after the scandal became public and was an enormous political liability for the Clintons.

Both Clintons professed to be ignorant of anything improper or untoward regarding the pardons. Once, when asked specifically if she had talked with a deputy White House counsel about pardons, Mrs. Clinton said: “People would hand me envelopes. I would just pass them on. You know, I would not have any reason to look into them.”

It wasn’t just the pardons that sullied the Clintons’ exit from the White House. They took furniture and rugs from the White House collection that had to be returned. And they received $86,000 in gifts during the president’s last year in office, including clothing (a pantsuit, a leather jacket), flatware, carpeting, and so on. In response to the outcry over that, they decided to repay the value of the gifts.

So class is not a Clinton forte.

But it’s one thing to lack class and a sense of grace, quite another to deliberately try and wreck the presidential prospects of your party’s likely nominee — and to do it in a way that has the potential to undermine the substantial racial progress that has been made in this country over many years.

The Clintons should be ashamed of themselves. But they long ago proved to the world that they have no shame.

Happy Mother's Day

MOM TAUGHT ME TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning!"
MOM TAUGHT ME RELIGION

"You better pray that will come out of that carpet!"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT TIME TRAVEL

"If you don't straighten up, I'll knock you into next week!"
MOM TAUGHT ME LOGIC

"Because I said so, that's why!"
MOM TAUGHT ME FORESIGHT

"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."
MOM TAUGHT ME IRONY

"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about!"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM

"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone!"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER

"It looks like a tornado went through your room!"
MOM TAUGHT ME HOW TO SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT HYPOCRISY

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times-don't exaggerate!"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

"Stop acting like your father!"
MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT ENVY

"There are millions of less fortunate kids in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

And most of all.....

MOM TAUGHT ME THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

"I brought you into this world, I can take you out!"

Obama Cites McCain War Record as Key Weakness

Sen. Barack Obama bolstered his standing as the Democrat presidential contender best able to defeat Republican rival Sen. John McCain today with what progressive pundits agree was a crippling attack on the Vietnam P.O.W.’s military service record.
Sen. Obama launched a “full frontal assault”, using “undeniable facts” from Sen. McCain’s recently released Naval records which he said demonstrate that the presumptive GOP nominee is “unfit to lead the kind of great nation America will become after we change it.”
“John McCain, the man who would be your Commander-in-Chief,” said Sen. Obama, “has some explaining to do. Why was he flying bombing missions over the innocent nation of North Vietnam? What did he do to garner such a shameful accumulation of commendations from the most violent, imperialist regime of the 20th century?”
In a powerful speech, full of rhetorical flourish and emotional impact, Sen. Obama listed what he called “a litany of damning evidence from John McCain’s misspent youth.”
The Silver Star medal
The Navy Commendation medal
The Legion of Merit with a combat ‘V’ and one gold star
The Distinguished Flying Cross
A Bronze Star Medal with a combat ‘V’ and two gold stars,
a total of 17 awards and decorations, not to mention the fact that he accepted the rank of captain from the leaders of this deplorable, war-mongering empire.”
A spokesman for the Obama campaign said the speech had definitively established Sen. Obama as “the antithesis of John McCain, giving Americans a clear choice in November.”