Bush: This is Probably Not the End of the World

With global financial markets tumbling despite multinational governmental intervention to flush credit markets clogged with worthless paper, U.S. President George Bush assured Americans today that “this is probably not the end of the world.”
During a video news conference from his presidential command center, deep beneath the White House, Mr. Bush tried to bolster confidence, saying, “I know that our citizens are concerned about their evaporating retirement accounts, the financial viability of their employers, the safety of their savings accounts, CDs and money market funds. But we’re not talking about celestial showers of blazing brimstone, or multi-headed beasts arising from the pit of Hell, or even about weeping boils covering our flesh so that the flies may feast on our bodily juices. So, just calm down people.”
The president recalled the words of another fiscally-progressive American chief executive when he said, “The only thing we have to fear is…535 amateur economists with unrestricted power to fiddle around with our economy. Even fear itself is afraid of them.”